


overweight

by littlerobbo



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Study, Gen or Pre-Slash, Insecure Stiles Stilinski, Lydia Martin & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, M/M, Mentioned Sheriff Stilinski, Minor Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, No Dialogue, Nogitsune Trauma, Post-Nogitsune Stiles Stilinski, Songfic, lowkey some suicidal thoughts, lowkey tho, this fic got away from me lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-22
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-08-06 02:02:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16379282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littlerobbo/pseuds/littlerobbo
Summary: Stiles has always taken on baggage that wasn't his.





	overweight

**Author's Note:**

> this got Sad! but i think i needed this. the song refrenced is Overweight by Blue October, srsly listen to it these aren't all the lyrics but it's such a Stiles song. 
> 
> or u could listen to the whole playlist i have for stiles [@bxbyfxcx](https://open.spotify.com/user/bxbyfxcx?si=wcWnOpO6SVKR6Z-EnKVZ7g) on spotify ;))

_"Ever carried the weight of another? For how long?"_

  
Stiles has always taken on baggage that wasn't his. From a young age he'd carried the weight of the world on his shoulders, so many injustices and he could do nothing but watch. It was always around him, because of his dad being the sheriff of the small town and word spreading fast. He thought he'd grow out of it; learn what to prioritise, what matters, what to fight for. He never thought it'd be the only thing he's good at. Being so overweight with everyone else's problems.

  
  
_"I want to carry a piece of who I was before, so when I hit the wall, I really hit the wall."_

  
He wants back the happy-go-lucky Stiles, who was in love with Lydia Martin, who was at the bottom of the food chain with only his blue jeep, biting wit and asthmatic friend; the Stiles who was happy. He wants to go back to the time before Peter. Before Derek- the shoe that just won't drop. All he has from those days is his blue jeep. His wit slowly decaying, into something bitter and cold, as the harsh realities of the world settled on his shoulders, in its rightful place.

  
  
_"I want to tear away the death again. A whiter shade of fucking meth again. I want to stick to clues, I want to come unglued"_

  
He wants to go back so he never has to experience the Nogistune again. Never again. He wants to go back to having the dream of being like his father, investigating crimes, locking up bad guys and doing boring paperwork of an evening. He doesn't want to be resigned to dreaming of a day he wakes up from the sunlight and not something kidnapping one of them or Derek busting in his room for help.

  
  
_"This is no longer about me. Trade roles, switch sides for your beautiful eyes. Let him be there through your beautiful cries. Let him hold you up so you can touch affordable skies."_

  
He wonders if Lydia thinks about it too. Does she remember how things were, does she want them to go back? He was so prepared to be everything for Lydia, anything and everything. He still would drop everything to be there for her, maybe not in the same way though; they're friends now. He let go of his childish infatuation with her and traded it in for something more akin to admiration. They fill the room with chatter, talking about anything they think of: from maths to mythical creatures, fashion to gossiping about teachers. Neither one of them wanting to hear silence, for fear of hearing something else. He wants to go back to a time when her only worry was what to wear for prom and not which of her friends she will have to hear die next. That's the only thing they don't talk about.

  
  
_"You see, you take this bat and bash my head into the street again no one's around so I keep beating it"_

  
He wants to go back to the days where he didn't have a metal baseball bat full of mountain ash for safety. Wants to go back to when he learnt too late that those socks that weren't that dirty soon began growing fungus if you left them in a locker for long enough. He wants to learn things like that too late rather than learning that werewolves and other nefarious creatures, that shouldn't exist, can use your wooden bat against you. He wants to go back to a time when his dad didn't turn a blind eye to him shaving the head off the bat and shoving piles of the black soot into the bat and welding it back together. He wants to go back to the days when his dad wouldn't even leave him with a lighter for too long.  
  
  
_"I pull my hair back, look me in the eye. There's a self-destructive meaning in the bleeding of a guy. It's the guilt of what reality has given me"_

  
He remembers the time Derek found him bleeding and bruised after a fight with something with claws and he saw the confusion in Derek's eyes when Stiles refused to let him take the pain. telling him he would deal with it when he got home. Derek frowned and a look of realisation settled in his eyes. In that moment Derek seemed to see right through Stiles. Stiles needed the pain, deserved it. The guilt of what he -it- did still eats at him. He knows he's lucky to have his life but sometimes he doesn't want it. So instead of letting those thoughts linger, he settles for biting a towel and forcing himself not to cry. You can't see what you're doing through tears. He settles for trying not to bust open poorly done stitches and aching for a few days.  
  


  
_"I want to kiss a girl and know I'll never lie again. I want to call my dad and tell him that I care. I want to let my brother know he saved my life a thousand times."_

  
Soon he'll figure out how to feel normal again. A new kind of normal. Less teachers, more claws but the same number of crushes on people out of his league. He'll find love and happiness. Everything he needs to heal. But for now, he'll go downstairs and give his father a hug and text Scott a simple "Hey, bro" and think about dog jokes that make Derek's eyebrows frown but his lips turn upwards.

**Author's Note:**

> my tumblr is a hot mess but if u wanna go it's just [@bxbyfxcx](http://www.tumblr.com/blog/bxbyfxcx) if u go there bc of a fic send me a message and tell me!
> 
> pls feel free to comment or just leave a lil kudos :^)


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